Still thinking about you everyday

Its honestly still hard to believe. Your birthday is in about two months. My chest still gets really tight whenever I pass by STM or by your house. I was having dinner with Alex a few nights ago and you came up in a conversation. We were talking about how quickly Alex’s parents have come to trust me and get accustomed to me always being around. Its definitely a nice feeling. Its like having a second family since we’re all so close now, but I guess thats to be expected given the circumstances that brought us all close together. Oh! That reminds me, my skin is starting to get kind of bad again so I gotta do something quick before Alex’s mom scolds me again lmao. I think its getting better now, but I’m gonna start using bb cream to also help. Don’t judge lmfao. From what I understand, part of bb cream is foundation so idk how to feel about that hahahaha. My family has also been cooking me about it recently, its apparent how high the beauty standards of this family are. Especially with my mom and her family’s pageant history -_-. Point is, I’m more meticulous than I ever was before with taking care of myself. I guess some people could say its kinda weird, but I feel pretty good about it. I’m also starting to grow attracted to expensive things like the rest of my family though and idk if thats a good thing. I do want my brother’s LV wallet though! I used to be kind of clueless as to why he spent $500 on a wallet, but I kind of want one too lol. He should just give me his though since we have the same initials. I think we’re all going to the mall soon to get my brother a Lacoste watch he wanted, maybe I’ll get stuff too idk. Anyways, things feel like they’ve slowed down around here. The weather has been pretty nice recently too. I haven’t visited you in a while so I should probably do that. The job hunt is also going on. A 19 year old who has never worked before probably isn’t attractive on an application lol. My family just gives me money, but I want to start earning it for myself. Even if it isn’t a lot. I’m less picky about where I’m applying now so something will turn up eventually… Hopefully lmao. Kowjeo is still in Thailand working on getting a cooking certificate lol. Alex’s parents are going to Thailand for a while too. I want to go somewhere in Asia for a vacation lol. Thailand sometime with Alex and his family or Korea with Brian would be pretty amazing… Maybe with future bae? Still working on that too! That’ll come whenever though. So I woke up from my like 4 hour nap and I was sweating buckets and idk why. It wasn’t even a nightmare and I’m starting to sweat again now? 

"The important thing is this; to be able, at any moment to sacrifice what you are, for what you will become."
- (via thewhiskeylibrary)